


Last Words of a Shooting Star

by TransTroubadour



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (TV 2016)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Crying, Gun Violence, Inspired by a Mitski Song, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, gay overtones and undertones this is colored queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29166204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransTroubadour/pseuds/TransTroubadour
Summary: After the duel, Fedya confesses something to Nikolai he never thought he'd say.
Relationships: Fyodor "Fedya" Ivanovich Dolokhov/Nikolai Ilyitch Rostov
Kudos: 1





	Last Words of a Shooting Star

**Author's Note:**

> there is blood and suicide ideation!! fedya is very sad all the time.

A shot rang out. He collapsed as Nikolai watched. Tears sprung to his eyes, “No! No it is not over!”

It was a blur. He aimed. He fired. He missed. The gun fell from his trembling hands and he went to clutch his wound. Dolokhov wept as warm blood melted the snow around him into black crimson. He collapsed with the ground crunching under him, cushioning his frail body, his greycoat staining from his stomach.

His spluttering cough brought Nikolai to his senses and he rushed over to his dear friend, “You’re going to be alright, let me help you.”

Dolokhov cried in agony as he was lifted into his arms, cold air stinging his wound. He gasped and heaved for breaths as his world started to darken,  _ Nikolai, thank you. Good night.  _ The last thing he heard was Nikolai yelling for something, and feeling his body shift and rise.

When he awoke he felt he was moving. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the night sky.  _ It was so rich, so dark. The speckles of stars danced in his view beautifully to a song he could not hear. The melody was silent, but the message was clear, there was love in space, love in the world. _

He looked over and saw Nikola next to him, hand in his, “Dolokhov!” he said so wistfully he might weep, “You’re alive, thank God.”

Despite his tone, his eyes welled with tears, and his brow was knotted together, so handsome. He felt the troika hit a rock under him, as it rattled slightly, “You doing alright?” Dolokhov asked, shaking his hand slightly in his.

“Me? Alright? I’m fine, are you?”

Dolokhov looked back at the sky, breaking eye contact with Nikolai. The shine of the stars reminded him of the glistening wetness of Nikolai’s eyes. He sighed, a long, drawn out sigh that was laboured with pain, he thought of the man next to him.  _ He was so kind, so caring, and nothing Dolokhov deserved.  _ He projected his thoughts to the darkness, creating a world and lied through his teeth,

_ “You wouldn’t leave ‘til we love in the morning, _

_ You’d learned from the opera how love ought to be, _

_ And you’d say you love me and look in my eyes, _

_ But I know through mine, you were looking in yours.” _

Nikolai leaned over him, placing his hand on his cheek,  _ it was soft, unlike Fedya’s. Not a single callous, never worn, _ “Fedya,” he leaned closer and whispered, “I do love you.”

Dolokhov didn’t look at him, just stared past his face and up into the darkness. He could imagine so many worlds, full of greatness, but none he could see himself in,

_ “I always wanted to die clean and pretty, _

_ But I’d be to busy on working days,” _

“Dolokhov, you’re not dying here. I promise that, you won’t die, not here, not on the battlefield, not in my hands.”   
  
_ “So I am relieved that I left my room tidy, _

_ They’ll think of me kindly, when they come for my things.” _

He looked up at the stars as Nikolai leaned back on his calves and spoke in a trembling voice, thick with sadness, “Fedya, no one is coming for your things, because you aren’t going to bleed out on me,” he clasped his hand in his and continued, “Is this how you always felt?”

Fedya nodded.

“I’m so sorry. Don’t go. I love you.” He felt Nikolai squeeze his hand, and he faded out of consciousness once again.


End file.
